Dream Marriage Conference is Tonight and Saturday

There is still time to sign up for the Dream Marriage Conference, with Jimmy and Karen Evans of MarriageToday, which will be simulcast live tonight, 7 to 9:30 p.m., and again tomorrow morning. The location is Putnam City Baptist Church on N. Rockwell in OKC.

To learn more, click on this link.

Outstanding Free Marriage Conference to be Offered in OKC on Jan. 21

A free marriage conference will be offered to couples on Friday, January 21, hosted by Metropolitan Baptist Church.

Dr. Rod Cooper, professor at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, was originally scheduled to be the speaker. However, according to the church, he is unable to attend and is being replaced by Dr. Tim Kimmel, left, executive director of Family Matters in Phoenix, Ariz.

This free marriage conference will be held at Metropolitan Baptist Church, 7201 W. Britton Road, Oklahoma City, on Friday, January 21, 2011, 6:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. The event is open to the public and childcare is provided by reservation; however registration for attendance is not necessary. For more information, or to reserve childcare, please contact the church at 405-722-2550.

For more information about Dr. Kimmel, please click here

Who Needs Marriage? Everyone. By Mike McManus

 [Editor's Note: Mike McManus, co-founder with his wife, Harriet, of the nonprofit, Marriage Savers, responds to the recent TIME article about the declining state of marriage in America.]


TIME’s Nov. 29, 2010, cover story, above, asks, "Who Needs Marriage?"

A surprising 39% of Americans say that marriage is becoming “obsolete,” according to a poll by TIME and Pew Research Center.  Two-thirds of cohabiting couples agreed, as well as 42% of conservatives, who are alarmed by the trend, and 44% of Americans under age 30.

“It is no small thing when nearly four-in-ten Americans agree that the world’s most enduring social institution is becoming obsolete,” said Pew.  However, “becoming obsolete” is not the same as “obsolete.”  When the World Values Survey framed a similar question in 2006: “Marriage is an outdated institution -- agree or disagree?” --  just 13% of Americans agreed.

In fact, only 5% of adults under 30 do NOT want to get married. That’s evidence that, despite the opinion of many, marriage is not becoming obsolete. In fact, even two-thirds of cohabiting people want to marry. But after five years only 16% had done so, and only 20% of the couples were still living together, according to a Princeton/Columbia “Fragile Families” study.

What’s disturbing about this is that 41% of all births are to unwed parents -- eight times the 5% of 1960.  Half of unwed births are to those who are cohabiting.  This is in spite of statistics showing that two-thirds of Americans think the trend of single women having children is “bad for society,” and that 61% believe a child needs both a mother and father “to grow up happily.”

The fact remains that only half of all adults are married today vs. 72% in 1960.
 

And of all the transformations our family structures have undergone in the past 50 years, perhaps the most profound is the marriage differential that has opened between the rich and the poor. In 1960 the median household income of married adults was 12% higher than that of single adults, after adjusting for household size. By 2008 this gap had grown to 41%. In other words, the richer and more educated you are, the more likely you are to marry, or to be married -- or, conversely, if you're married, you're more likely to be well off.

As the aforementioned passage in TIME Magazine asserts, a particularly disturbing trend is how marriage seems to be disappearing for those with less education. While 64% of college grads are married, only 48% of those with a high school education now marry. In 1960 both groups were equally likely to marry: 72% of high school vs. 76% of college grads. Reasonably well-paying manufacturing jobs that high schoolers could get, for instance, have largely disappeared. “The college-educated wait until they're finished with their education and their careers are launched,” says TIME. “The less-educated wait until they feel comfortable financially."

The problem is, for more and more adults, arriving at that financial comfort level has become far more elusive.
In 1960 two-thirds of those in their 20s were already married. But in 2008 only 26% were married. Why? A partial answer is that the average age of marriage has risen three years to 28 for men and 26 for women.  Dr. W. Bradford Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project says the sexual revolution is another key factor. “People have access to sex outside of marriage, and are less likely to have a commitment orientation.”

Yet why are so many are cohabiting, rather than marrying?

“Today’s couples in their twenties and thirties distrust marriage,” my wife and I write in our book, Living Together: Myths, Risks & Answers. Since 1970, 43 million people have experienced their parent’s divorce. “The Buster Generation, children of Baby Boomers, have lived the horrors of divorce and are wary of marriage for a good reason.”

It should come as no surprise, then, that of 7.5 million cohabiting this year only 1.4 million will marry, while 80% will ultimately break up.

TIME asserts that “couples who cohabit before marrying don’t divorce any less often.” Not true. A Penn State study by Paul Amato [consultant to Oklahoma Marriage Initiative] reports such couples are 61% more likely to divorce than those who remained apart prior to marriage.

“The way America marries is making the American Dream unreachable for many of its people,” lamented TIME.  “Yet marriage is still the best avenue most people have for making their dreams come true.” However, neither TIME nor Pew provides evidence to support the institution.

Ten years ago Maggie Gallagher and Linda Waite wrote The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier and Better Off Financially. It cited hundreds of studies with evidence.

For example, they report that when a Gallup Poll asked couples to grade their marriage, 68% gave it an A; 23% a B. True, 6% gave it a C, and 1% a D, 1%, F.  “Nor do unhappy marriages stay that way: 86% of those who rated their marriage as unhappy in the late eighties and who were still married five years later, said their marriage had become happier,” they reveal.

• “Married couples live longer,” they write. “Being unmarried chops almost ten years off a man’s life.”  Similarly, unmarried women will live fewer years than married women with cancer or those living in poverty.
  
• “Married couples are wealthier... Married men earn between 10 and 40 percent more than do single men with similar education and job histories.”
  
• “Married people have more and better sex than singles,” they assert. Two-fifths of married couples, in fact, enjoy marital intimacy at least twice a week compared to 20%-25% of singles.

Who needs marriage? Everyone.

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:15).

Copyright © 2010 Michael J. McManus

Building Successful Stepfamily Conference is May 14-15

Reduced Price Stepfamily Conference Registration Ends in 3 Days!

Only 3 days left to register at the reduced price for the Building a Successful Stepfamily Conference!


Together, let’s change the breakdown* of the family in Oklahoma!

Marriage Network Oklahoma along with several** other organizations and churches is bringing Stepfamily expert Ron Deal to OKC to present a seminar to guide stepfamilies into stronger marriages and families.

Building a Successful Stepfamily Conference

Dates: May 14, 6:30-9:30, May 15, 8-12:30

Cost: $65/person through Friday, May 7; $15 for spouse or fiancé

$30 discount for military, 1st responders, and students (family counseling and/or ministry students)

$85/person May 8-14, $15 for spouse/fiancé

For more details and to register go to www.marriagenetworkok.net


*Oklahoma and Arkansas have the highest rates of men and women who have been married three times or more, twice the national average.

** Also sponsoring: Oklahoma Family Policy Council, Focus on the Family, Mardel, Hobby Lobby, Burbridge Foundation, Oklahoma Christian University, Living Well, Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma, Bott Radio, Portland Avenue Baptist Church, Emmaus Baptist Church, North Church, and many others.

What others are saying:

"Listen to this guy. He knows what he's talking about." Dr. Kevin Leman

“Successful Stepfamilies is the most highly practical program I know for helping couples who are dealing with the common struggles of stepparenting." Dr. Gary D. Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages

"Ron Deal has developed a highly insightful and practical seminar that has impacted the lives of thousands...This is a must series and I'm delighted to recommend it." Dr. H. Norman Wright, Director, Christian Marriage Enrichment, author of over 60 books on the Christian family

"Ron Deal is a true minister to stepfamilies. His professional expertise, love for the Lord, and his compassionate heart make for a perfect platform from which to teach remarried couples how they can successfully combine their families in healthy ways. It is no secret that these families face countless complications and with the help of Ron Deal, they will be better equipped to face them head on and be stronger because of it." Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

"This seminar may have just saved our marriage. We weren't able to discuss our problems without extreme conflict. We talked calmly for two hours last night. Thank you for doing this seminar." Seminar Participant

For more details and to register go to www.marriagenetworkok.net

Certification Training in PREPARE-ENRICH Marriage Assessments to be Offered

Pastors, Marriage Mentors, and Lay Marriage Ministry Activists:

Be trained to counsel premarital couples and crisis couples! Take one of several upcoming PREPARE-ENRICH certification trainings.

Marriage Network Oklahoma referrals get a 20% discount (see details below); Southern Baptist pastors can get a special price through the BGCO.

The PREPARE-ENRICH certification workshop is designed to help facilitators learn how to administer the PREPARE-ENRICH assessments and to provide feedback to premarital and married couples using six core and over 20 supplemental exercises.

Learn to help couples identify their strengths and growth areas in categories such as Communication, Conflict Resolution, Spiritual Beliefs & Financial Management.

All Workshops led by: Dr. Walter Mullican
Time: 9:00-4:00

Cost: Special price for Marriage Network referrals - $140. Receive a 20% discount (say you want the MNO discount) from the regular price of $175 (spouse attends free).

Upcoming Workshop Dates:

Thursday, March 25, 2010 – Capital Baptist Assoc. Office, 2233 W I-44 Service Rd., Okla. City, OK 73112

Thursday, April 8, 2010 – South Tulsa Baptist Church, 10310 South Sheridan Road, Tulsa, OK 74133
Register by: March 31

Saturday, May 8, 2010 – Portland Ave Baptist Church, 1301 N Portland Avenue, OK 73107
Register by: April 28

Thursday, May 20, 2010 – First Baptist Church, 202 East Hanks Trail, Woodward, OK 73801 [map]
Register by: May 12

This PREPARE-ENRICH training workshop is nondenominational and available for all interested persons of any religious faith, or no faith. The workshop is simply being held at the churches above to reduce workshop cost for participants.

To Register: Contact Dr. Walter Mullican (405) 640-7731, wmullican@portlandavenue.org